she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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