So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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