Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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