You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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