grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
