he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
