Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I will pee on everything he values.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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