life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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