You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
