wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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