Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
