so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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