We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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