so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
