one two three fourrrrnication!
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
