I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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