I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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