im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
