i dont even know how to be here
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
