she woke up with a sticky ear
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i just made my gag reflex go away.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
