im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
