This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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