I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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