New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
