I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
