she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
