I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
