I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
this will be a night to untag.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
me + whiskey = a bad person
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
