You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
