I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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