Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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