I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
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