my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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