Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
