So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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