making cat noises will not fix the situation.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
