OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
