Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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