xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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