He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
