Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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