my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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