After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
