Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
