Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
