i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
