Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
