Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
