Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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