I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I think I sprained my soul last night
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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