Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
