We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
